The struggle is real

Focus. Mood.

I decided to skip a newbie lunch at work today because the logistics are crap and because I'm pretty sure any commentary that I have about my work life so far would not be reflective of my normal steady-state feelings, but rather the especially sad, cranky, bitchy feelings that I have right now.

I am having a hard time actually doing my job. Been having a hard time almost every day since I started. Thankfully on that front, there isn't much job to do even though I started a month ago.

I feel a tiny bit better at this exact moment than I did a couple of hours ago, but I still feel desperately unsatisfied.

Good Focus, Good Mood, I miss you both dearly. I await your return with bated breath, and shall endeavor to hasten it if I can figure out how.

*Coughcoughbelatednewscoughcough*

Please enjoy/tolerate this lightly edited stream of consciousness:

So, I got jobbed. I work at a utility company now! Nice pay bump, nice title boost, nice people. Work is a little.... meh so far, and I am having a REALLY hard time getting back into the swing of things. I'm taking a break right now, as a matter of fact, when I am so, so close to being done with my day.

Also, I started writing--very shortly after my last post, as a matter of fact. Pretty awful timing, considering that I was unemployed for literally nine months before that with no creative output; then suddenly I had only about one month of unemployment to freely express myself.

I published six ponderous chapters of a novel elsewhere. (I will not point to it here because I have taken great pains to keep that writing and this writing separate and unconnected; even mentioning the title/characters/pen name risks undermining that. I even tried to make this blog non-searchable--with no effect in the short term, and probably no effect later. Is it important? No, probably not. But safety first!)

Sadly, I'm now planning to de-canonize everything I wrote because I don't like the way the protagonists are interacting. Most of it can be easily re-purposed, but before I do that I want to get some short stories done to flesh out the world I'm building a bit.

Also, I'm getting ready to commission my first ever art piece (not counting something a friend made for me fifteen years ago, or a silly little thing that I paid for yesterday that features other people's characters). It will be a reference sheet for an anthro-goat character that is kind of a metaphysical enigma, but mostly is just me being silly. What a surprise! If it goes well, I'm planning to commission an even more expensive reference sheet for the super special species that lives on the super special world that I invented for my super special stories.

Unfortunately, again, that part of my life is compartmentalized. Otherwise I would totes share it with the 0.5 people that probably see this each year.

More details may be forthcoming. Honestly, with me, who even knows.