Okay... so I have to say that the entry below is just a tad over-the-top. ::Shifty eyes:: Yeah...

And I also have to say that I have lots o' shaz to be doing. So naturally I'm here. But I don't want to write anything substantial, so I shall do something terrible! Yes! I shall answer questionny-thingies that are usually found on LiveJournals! This one I have stolen from Danielle's. Just be glad I'm writing, you fuckasses.

ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?

I'm not really either, because I'm both. Ponder that, bitches!

WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?

Becoming despicable.

AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?

No, actually. Later on in my childhood, I made an attempt to start, but it didn't really work out. Sad, that.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV?

I hate it now, but I'd love it if they put me on some show where I get to win a bagillion dollars.

WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?

Fuck yeah.

IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?

If by "single" you mean Kraft Singles, then hell no.

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?

Off-white.

DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?

Occasionally. I do it all the time when I know I'm alone, but otherwise I keep it down lest the others hear my awesomeness.

HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?

Heheheh. No.

ANY SECRET TALENTS?

I can detach my penis and wave it at oncoming traffic.

WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?

Some Turkish beach with lots of money, because then I could be all, "I'm not worried about money! Yay! Now I shall go parasailing! Thrice!"

IS JAY LENO FUNNY?

Eh... sort of? I don't watch him, really. I'm more of a Conan man (though I don't really watch him either).

CAN YOU SWIM?

To answer your question, consider this: are goats kickass?

HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOViE "DONNIE DARKO"?

Yes. Though I need to see it again for the full effect.

HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOSTIE POP?

Not sure. I've tried counting, but then I said "Well gee, Cantay. What's a standard lick? Does it count if you spin it in your mouth? And what exactly is the center?" Needless to say, I gave up.

CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?

Of course I can. If I can spell "goatee" backwards, the alphabet would be a piece of cake.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?

Why is this question even here? Who hasn't been on an airplane? And if you haven't been on an airplane, then what the hell are you doing here?

ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?

No. Oldest of twenty.

DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENERS?

Manual. Much sexier.

WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?

It's cool if you're hunting deer or something and you eat the deer, but it's not cool to hunt raccoons and not eat them. And it's just stupid to hunt goats. Yes, people do indeed hunt goats.

IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?

Sure. For the right price. And/or woman.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

Only when I'm Crazy Russian Man or something. Normally it's just blegh.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID "I LOVE YOU!"

Either before or after I finished kissing YOUR MOM.

IS TUPAC STILL ALIVE?

That's like asking if Michael Jackson didn't do it. Come on, people.

DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?

I don't cry. I bah. ^.^

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?

Scrambled and with sucuk (Turkish beef sausage).

ARE BLONDES DUMB?

Who cares about that? It's time for some ack-shee-own!

WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?

Mine actually come out all right because I pay off the gnomes. Other folks' have ended up with mine though. I think the gnomes are a little too appreciative of tin cans.

WHAT TIME IS IT?

9:16 PM. Bitch.

DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?

I have several. Mostly just Turkman, Goatman, or Turkish Goatman.

IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?

Yes. It should die. I used to prefer Burger King considerably before Burger King started to suck too. And now, unfortunately, my experiences with this Wendy's at J Street are not making me love them. Pretty much for a fast food burger I require Jack in the Box or something.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?

Err... I think when Ashley's dad took us down to that Irish place. I think.

DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?

Baths. They make me feel all nice and squishy. And generally they relax me. Especially because I get to pretend I'm Captain Awesomeman of the Starship Djibouti or something.

IS SANTA CLAUSE REAL?

...No. Well, not anymore. I sort of... ::Draws his finger across his neck while making the death sound::

DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?

Yes. It distracts the kisser while putting them in a vulnerable position, allowing me to slide my knife into their kidney with ridiculous ease. ^.^

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?

Not generally, no.

WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?

Spuds. Like the Weird Al song. Though I'm trying to fight it--I just got two jars of Nutella for $1 total. Which is sweet. And it might bring me back to sanity.

CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?

Yep. And I do it regularly. Much to the chagrin of all innocent bystanders.

HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?

No. But oddly enough, one is passing by Lafayette as I answer this question. Strange, because usually all we get is firetrucks.

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?

Twice if you count the wee hours of the morning. Once if you don't.

IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?

Pfft. No. The way to be is like me, bitches! Don't follow false prophets like non-addiction!

ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?

I often am, yes.

WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?

Sexy Green. (It's a new color Crayola developed specifically to describe my eyes.)

HOW LOUD DO YOU SNEEZE?

As loud as possible, because I really am an attention whore.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?

Sure. Except for the occasional large bump, it's pretty nice.

WHO'S BETTER: STONE COLD OR THE ROCK?

OMG I LUV STONE COLD. (Me.)

ARE YOU PSYCHIC?

Uh... no. And anyone that answers yes needs to lay off the 'shrooms. And don't give me none of that "but I am psychic" jazz. If you were psychic, you'd have been able to avoid the knife spinning towards the back of your head.

HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?

No. Will one day, hopes I.

DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?

I am physically capable of plucking strings and pounding keys, but that's pretty much it.

CAN YOU SKATE?

Don't think so.

HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?

Once, I think. From my parents. They owed me and I was like, "I need my money!" So I stole some. I can't remember what happened afterwards, but I can definitely tell you that the mere thought of stealing money now makes me soil myself uncontrollably like I just did seven times while typing this. Can anyone say A Clockwork Orange?

CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?

Nope.

DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?

Sure. With the right people and in the right spot, I'm sure it would be great. Haven't done it in quite a while, though.

DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH?

No. But my sisters do! Suckers!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?

Not really. Nothing that we humans can conjure, anyway.

ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?

No. Goats, you motherfuckers. Goats.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?

No. I believe in enforcing the line "till death do us part."

CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?

Sort of. Not particularly well, though.

DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES?

No.

IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?

Yes. It was very picturesque, but quite cool despite being late April. Ah well, so it goes.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

Old chicken green curry from the Thai Place

WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?

That one from Autozone with that jingle of death. You know, the one that goes, "Parts! Parts! Give me parts parts! At Autozone I can find the right fucking parts!"

DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?

Do I look like a gay surfer? No. Or was that Hollister?

(And that's all. Hasta la byebye, kids. Don't eat the yellow snow.)

I'm a bad, bad man that probably doesn't know what's best for him.

I don't know what's best for anyone, but I know what I can do. With the drop of a pin, I can signal the creation of unhappiness. I'm pretty awesome, I know. It's just a pity I do it with such a painful lack of class.

Fuck it all, I can't seem to feel bad enough! Haha! Oh Cantay, you brilliant thing! What a delightful bog of suffering you have made!

Si yo podría hacerlo mejor, yo lo hiciera mejor. Lo siento. Ójala que sea mejor mañana aunque yo dudo la posibilidad. Lo siento...

Yo quiero vivir por un día la vida de nuestra niñez. O algo como eso. No me duele tanto en español; yo puedo resperar en español, como si que yo podría evitar mi vida. Pero se termina. Necesito irme de este mundo de español, necesito sentarme y ver el mundo de mi tristeza.

Adios, señores. Les veré pronto si esperanzas cuentan por algo--pero sí; yo soy un mal hombre, y por eso, yo suplico que pueda disculparme, usted que yo he golpeado con mis palabras. Discúlpeme cuando pueda.

Hasta la byebye.

Well. Yes, I'm going to hell for not posting, obviously.

But I did, along with my compadres Danielle, Dan, and Chasya, consume all foes in a Cranium tournament in the basement of our residence hall. You may all bow down in reverence.

What else? Well, there's so God damned much. I'm not sure where to begin. But, just to exonerate myself (partially), I did try to write a blog last Friday, but it died in the process and I was very sad. ;.;

What else? Well, somehow I completely skipped over my birthday and the second birthday of this blog. What can I say? I'm a terrible, terrible person.

What else, eh? Oh!

Now I remember! I won a poker tournament! It was like at the beginning of April, but I won it. There were 80 folks there, and I consumed them with my awesome skillz (and luck) of madness. The hand I remember most came very early when I went all-in against a very good player. He had kings, I had A-J of diamonds. I was all "well, looks like I'm packing up and not winning shit." But no! The flop came down something like 4 of clubs, 6 of spades, 9 of diamonds, followed by a turn of the 8 of diamonds, followed by a river of the 10 of diamonds! I picked up runner-runner diamonds to make a flush! 6% chance of that, baby.

Needless to say, that fellow never let me forget about it, but I started to love the A-J suited (mostly because I ended up completely owning people with A-J suited within the next fifteen minutes--mostly with bluffs, too; my favorite was this one time where a queen came down on the flop and I re-raised this fellow in a very slow, deliberate way while this brown dude [who I called Burnt Fry, since he called me Curly Fry] was all "I knew he caught something on the flop! Look in his eyes! See? Shit! It's so fucking obvious!").

Of course, as with all shitty, school-run tournaments (I know after playing two, of course), the end was rushed and there was much stupidity. Essentially there was only one prize available, and the winner would be the guy with the most chips after about twenty minutes. So what happened? Everyone went all-in everytime, obviously. The last big hand I had was insane. 2-5 of diamonds. I was obligated to call the five all-ins made before me because if I didn't, the winner of the all-ins would be a juggernaut of doom and I wouldn't get anything. Well, somehow the flop came down something like 6-2-2. Then the turn and river proved inconsequential and I won with trip deuces. Crazy, yes?

And I ended up qualifying for a tournament on the 5th of May, which is apparently what I also qualified when I played in the other tournament that I'm pretty sure I mentioned. Scroll down a couple of entries. It's there. I think.

So I qualified twice! Yay!

But the prize! Ah, the prize! A $100 US gift certificate to the District Market, which is our shitty little grocery store. But w00t, yes? I mean, this is actually quite useful to me, seeing as how they have lots of foodstuffs that I may consider purchasing--including fruit, which I could definitely use.

But yes!

And then, as I mentioned earlier, my team won the Cranium tournament (which actually only consisted of two games). It was awesome. I was always the guy who would pretend to be people. The only one I did moderately well was John Wayne, and for him I did his weird voice and said something like "I'm gonna shoot you with my gun" before Dan guessed it. I actually also did a good Winston Churchill when I was all "There is not peace in our time! The guy who came before me and said that was wrong!" Unfortunately, we didn't get it in time, but it was good. And, for those of you that don't know the rules, I couldn't mention any proper nouns. Which may explain the three most stunning performances of mine. Let's see if you can guess who I was giving clues for by what I said before my teammates (Dan on all of them except the last, where everyone got it at the same time):

1) "I'm a female singer. I'm recent and not good."

2) "Oh man--I can't think of anything this guy was in... err... well, I'm an actor. A male actor with a... fat face. I've starred opposite many other... stars and stuff. I used to be really cool, but I'm not cool anymore."

3) "Shit. I can't think of anything for this one either. Eh... I'm black and I'm funny."





ANSWER KEY:

1) Celine Dion
2) John Travolta
3) Eddie Murphy






Yes! Yes I am aware that John Travolta is in a bagillion movies (including Grease and Saturday Night Fever) and that there are non-Eddie-Murphy-funny-black-men. But it was great! Especially for Celine Dion. I literally fell to the floor writhing in pain because my gut was literally busting when Dan guessed it so quickly.

Ah, but lots of cool things happened in the Cranium tournament. Danielle drew a black hole blind, Dan defined "gullwing" and Chasya convinced me at the very last second that neither strawberries nor raspberries were actually berries (which they aren't--good job Chasya; I knew about the strawberries, but wasn't sure on the raspberries). I also spelled "gamut" right, though I added an extra "n" to "renaissance."

Good times.

And I'll try to blog more consistently. But for now, I shall retire. Good night, muchachos! Hasta la byebye!