Joe DiMaggio never left

But Cantay is tired.

I'm going to New Hampshire in nine days and I'm excited but I'm tired and and I don't want to suffer. Plus, every time I'm near Danielle and fatigued I immediately fall asleep, which is cool I suppose because I'm really fucking comfortable when I do that, but I didn't want to visit Danielle just so I could be in a state where drooling is at least partially acceptable. I've got a tremendous amount of work to do upon my return, but I'm seriously considering slathering it all in whipped cream and feeding it to Jagger, our garbage disposal.

Fucking ass-pirates.


For extra fun, try replacing the italicized phrases with your own! Like so:

But Cantay is really hot.

I'm going to New Mexico in nine days and I'm excited but I'm upset at the prospect of not seeing Cantay's sweet, sexy, sharp-angled ass for weeks or possibly months. I also have a raging case of the crabs and and I don't want to let it get worse by avoiding the doctor again. Plus, every time I'm near a tour guide and fatigued I tend to get totally plastered, which is cool I suppose because I'm really fucking horny when I do that, but I didn't want to visit the great state of Bill Richardson just so I could be in a state where drooling is at least partially acceptable. I've got a tremendous amount of work to do upon my return, but at least I don't have as much as Cantay.

Fucking those tour guides will be entirely worth it.