Hey, you in the back, you're a sweetheart

It really is hard to find confidants.

My grieving for the friendship I'd lost was a little premature, but ultimately fitting for how things ended.

I've said before and I'll say again how much I wish I recorded my life a bit better. So much has changed in this one story about N and everything else in my life, and I can't adequately catch you up, you in the back.

I'll try to boil down how things went with N:

-We mostly recovered shortly after the post, but a small split had formed.

-We kept playing D&D. Eventually there was a hiatus and it resumed again.

-I met her and her boyfriend (our DM) at a furry convention of all places, a couple weeks before COVID lockdowns were starting.

-Always throughout, I had a hard time figuring out where I stood. Increasingly, it came to feel like I wanted her friendship more than she wanted mine.

-Something--I don't remember what--happened shortly after the COVID lockdowns that got me this close to just saying goodbye to N and the D&D group and the Discord server that housed the community we shared. But I wasn't ready.

-Ups and downs, and by the time August came I was ready. I said goodbye to her and everyone and disappeared.

The COVID times have been hard for a lot of reasons, and losing a friendship that I cherished--even though I knew it was dysfunctional--has made things all the tougher. I haven't fully recovered yet. I've gotten a lot better. I know I made the right decision. But it still hurts, and sometimes I will have moments of profound regret about this thing or that. Something I wish I'd said or something I wish I hadn't done.

I'm okay, though.

Thanks for asking, you in the back.