Warning: This post and every post is an exercise intended to improve mental health
We are eight months removed from my last post, full of hope and trepidation for what lies in store next. And what news have I to report?
Good: I received an offer from a prestigious megacorp for a job that would be decently stimulating.
Bad: The offer was awful and it was a contract position; I turned it down.
Good: A different prestigious megacorp thought me interesting enough to run me through their entire rigorous interview process for a job that would be extremely challenging and pretty interesting, teaching me that some people see value in my skillset.
Bad: The last interview didn't go so great and I didn't get an offer.
Good: I've had several in-depth interviews at a variety of other enterprises as well.
Bad: All but one have said no, and the HR person at that last holdout has been exceedingly cagey for two weeks--not a great sign.
Good: In the course of this hunting and interviewing, I've learned a fair bit about Python and SQL.
Bad: I haven't learned enough. Both in the sense that 1) there are things I have zero knowledge of, and 2) my hands-on experience is limited, so it's hard for me to make effective use of the tools and knowledge that I do have (particularly with Python); this was especially evident in the whiteboard coding exercises I did for the megacorp with the very thorough interviews--the problems were solvable, but it took me too long to solve them.
Good: I've had ample opportunity to relax and travel.
Bad: I have barely relaxed or traveled. Instead, when I'm not on the job hunt or puttering around the apartment, I play video games. Looking back on a given day or week, that's fine. Looking back on months, it doesn't feel quite so fulfilling.
Good: I've also had ample opportunity to sleep.
Bad: I have to constantly fight with myself to stick to a schedule that's close to normal, and it's usually easier to just sit back and stay awake for as long as my brain and body can manage. I often stay awake into the wee hours of the morning, which leaves me with the unenviable choices of getting insufficient sleep, sleeping until late morning, or catching up on previous insufficient sleeping by staying in bed past noon.
Good: My friends and family have been very supportive.
Bad: I try to avoid most groups of friends and family because I don't want to talk about this infernal job hunt. I want so, so badly to share good news, and I hate the feeling of inadequacy that I get when I give updates to people that haven't heard from me in a while. I put on a brave face and spin everything positively, but it's exhausting.
Good: I've always been very good at spinning things positively, and now with so much practice I've gotten even better.
Bad: I fucking hate hate hate doing it. And even if I don't do it for friends and family I have to constantly do it in interviews.
Good: I... have a resume.
Bad: The job searching process makes sense in theory, and for many people it doesn't seem to be too bothersome, but it is grinding me down hard. I have become angry and bitter about the whole situation. There is so much more I could do to improve my prospects, but so little that I'm willing to do even though I ostensibly have plenty of time. There's a big ball of unpleasantness that's rather difficult to unpack.
Good: I have this blog that I can talk to from time to time.
Bad: I'm terrified that potential employers and uninvited friends will find it (but if you already knew how to get here, I'm very happy for you to see me!). I spent an hour and a half scouring my web presence to see if there was any way to get to this blog or anything seemingly unseemly. I am pleased that for the most part I have nearly no search engine presence outside of my LinkedIn page, but someone who really wanted to find this place could do so without too much trouble.
There are a lot of things I want to say, and dirty laundry I want to air, but I'm afraid to. I could write it down on paper or type up a non-internet journal, but those options feel empty to me. This is where my life is catalogued, for better or worse. It's risky to step out of line, and I don't know if I will, but heaven do I want to have that option. I have an outlet for some of this in talk therapy, but you get different thoughts sitting at a keyboard, and you have the magnificent luxury of talking to yourself.
Eureka! Now I know what to title this post! Does it impact anything at all? Who's to say! But it has the virtue of always being true to one degree or another.
Merry Christmas, dear hearts. And hasta la byebye, for old time's sake.
Good: I received an offer from a prestigious megacorp for a job that would be decently stimulating.
Bad: The offer was awful and it was a contract position; I turned it down.
Good: A different prestigious megacorp thought me interesting enough to run me through their entire rigorous interview process for a job that would be extremely challenging and pretty interesting, teaching me that some people see value in my skillset.
Bad: The last interview didn't go so great and I didn't get an offer.
Good: I've had several in-depth interviews at a variety of other enterprises as well.
Bad: All but one have said no, and the HR person at that last holdout has been exceedingly cagey for two weeks--not a great sign.
Good: In the course of this hunting and interviewing, I've learned a fair bit about Python and SQL.
Bad: I haven't learned enough. Both in the sense that 1) there are things I have zero knowledge of, and 2) my hands-on experience is limited, so it's hard for me to make effective use of the tools and knowledge that I do have (particularly with Python); this was especially evident in the whiteboard coding exercises I did for the megacorp with the very thorough interviews--the problems were solvable, but it took me too long to solve them.
Good: I've had ample opportunity to relax and travel.
Bad: I have barely relaxed or traveled. Instead, when I'm not on the job hunt or puttering around the apartment, I play video games. Looking back on a given day or week, that's fine. Looking back on months, it doesn't feel quite so fulfilling.
Good: I've also had ample opportunity to sleep.
Bad: I have to constantly fight with myself to stick to a schedule that's close to normal, and it's usually easier to just sit back and stay awake for as long as my brain and body can manage. I often stay awake into the wee hours of the morning, which leaves me with the unenviable choices of getting insufficient sleep, sleeping until late morning, or catching up on previous insufficient sleeping by staying in bed past noon.
Good: My friends and family have been very supportive.
Bad: I try to avoid most groups of friends and family because I don't want to talk about this infernal job hunt. I want so, so badly to share good news, and I hate the feeling of inadequacy that I get when I give updates to people that haven't heard from me in a while. I put on a brave face and spin everything positively, but it's exhausting.
Good: I've always been very good at spinning things positively, and now with so much practice I've gotten even better.
Bad: I fucking hate hate hate doing it. And even if I don't do it for friends and family I have to constantly do it in interviews.
Good: I... have a resume.
Bad: The job searching process makes sense in theory, and for many people it doesn't seem to be too bothersome, but it is grinding me down hard. I have become angry and bitter about the whole situation. There is so much more I could do to improve my prospects, but so little that I'm willing to do even though I ostensibly have plenty of time. There's a big ball of unpleasantness that's rather difficult to unpack.
Good: I have this blog that I can talk to from time to time.
Bad: I'm terrified that potential employers and uninvited friends will find it (but if you already knew how to get here, I'm very happy for you to see me!). I spent an hour and a half scouring my web presence to see if there was any way to get to this blog or anything seemingly unseemly. I am pleased that for the most part I have nearly no search engine presence outside of my LinkedIn page, but someone who really wanted to find this place could do so without too much trouble.
There are a lot of things I want to say, and dirty laundry I want to air, but I'm afraid to. I could write it down on paper or type up a non-internet journal, but those options feel empty to me. This is where my life is catalogued, for better or worse. It's risky to step out of line, and I don't know if I will, but heaven do I want to have that option. I have an outlet for some of this in talk therapy, but you get different thoughts sitting at a keyboard, and you have the magnificent luxury of talking to yourself.
Eureka! Now I know what to title this post! Does it impact anything at all? Who's to say! But it has the virtue of always being true to one degree or another.
Merry Christmas, dear hearts. And hasta la byebye, for old time's sake.
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