I know this will sound weird, but do you have a long, disposable object?

Thank God I happened to have a non-writing pen handy, otherwise I have no idea what I would have done five minutes ago. Last night I actually tried to go, but I just couldn't successfully do the deed. It was awful. But now I feel a profound sense of happiness.

Later tonight the folks from my Henry VIII class will be having a dinner at the Lord Chancellor's place. Wait, you say, I thought you were the Lord Chancellor, Sir Thomas More! Ah, but you see, there have been new developments. At the end of Parliament on Tuesday a snap no-confidence vote was called against me. I mistakenly assumed that my supporters had enough influence to defeat the measure, and so I didn't filibuster. But obviously my opponents knew what they were doing, and they secured enough influence to win the vote 43-42. There was no historical precedent for the no-confidence vote, but His Majesty decided it would be best if I resigned anyway, so Thomas More is no longer in Parliament, and our new Lord Chancellor is the former Speaker for the House of Commons, Thomas Audley, whose house I shall be visiting this evening.

Just in case you were curious, I am now playing the role of Lord Darcy of Darcy. I will occasionally play the role of swing-vote since my motivations are at once traditionalist, pro-nobility and pro-self-advancement.

And once again, Thank God for that non-writing pen.