Well. Yes, I'm going to hell for not posting, obviously.

But I did, along with my compadres Danielle, Dan, and Chasya, consume all foes in a Cranium tournament in the basement of our residence hall. You may all bow down in reverence.

What else? Well, there's so God damned much. I'm not sure where to begin. But, just to exonerate myself (partially), I did try to write a blog last Friday, but it died in the process and I was very sad. ;.;

What else? Well, somehow I completely skipped over my birthday and the second birthday of this blog. What can I say? I'm a terrible, terrible person.

What else, eh? Oh!

Now I remember! I won a poker tournament! It was like at the beginning of April, but I won it. There were 80 folks there, and I consumed them with my awesome skillz (and luck) of madness. The hand I remember most came very early when I went all-in against a very good player. He had kings, I had A-J of diamonds. I was all "well, looks like I'm packing up and not winning shit." But no! The flop came down something like 4 of clubs, 6 of spades, 9 of diamonds, followed by a turn of the 8 of diamonds, followed by a river of the 10 of diamonds! I picked up runner-runner diamonds to make a flush! 6% chance of that, baby.

Needless to say, that fellow never let me forget about it, but I started to love the A-J suited (mostly because I ended up completely owning people with A-J suited within the next fifteen minutes--mostly with bluffs, too; my favorite was this one time where a queen came down on the flop and I re-raised this fellow in a very slow, deliberate way while this brown dude [who I called Burnt Fry, since he called me Curly Fry] was all "I knew he caught something on the flop! Look in his eyes! See? Shit! It's so fucking obvious!").

Of course, as with all shitty, school-run tournaments (I know after playing two, of course), the end was rushed and there was much stupidity. Essentially there was only one prize available, and the winner would be the guy with the most chips after about twenty minutes. So what happened? Everyone went all-in everytime, obviously. The last big hand I had was insane. 2-5 of diamonds. I was obligated to call the five all-ins made before me because if I didn't, the winner of the all-ins would be a juggernaut of doom and I wouldn't get anything. Well, somehow the flop came down something like 6-2-2. Then the turn and river proved inconsequential and I won with trip deuces. Crazy, yes?

And I ended up qualifying for a tournament on the 5th of May, which is apparently what I also qualified when I played in the other tournament that I'm pretty sure I mentioned. Scroll down a couple of entries. It's there. I think.

So I qualified twice! Yay!

But the prize! Ah, the prize! A $100 US gift certificate to the District Market, which is our shitty little grocery store. But w00t, yes? I mean, this is actually quite useful to me, seeing as how they have lots of foodstuffs that I may consider purchasing--including fruit, which I could definitely use.

But yes!

And then, as I mentioned earlier, my team won the Cranium tournament (which actually only consisted of two games). It was awesome. I was always the guy who would pretend to be people. The only one I did moderately well was John Wayne, and for him I did his weird voice and said something like "I'm gonna shoot you with my gun" before Dan guessed it. I actually also did a good Winston Churchill when I was all "There is not peace in our time! The guy who came before me and said that was wrong!" Unfortunately, we didn't get it in time, but it was good. And, for those of you that don't know the rules, I couldn't mention any proper nouns. Which may explain the three most stunning performances of mine. Let's see if you can guess who I was giving clues for by what I said before my teammates (Dan on all of them except the last, where everyone got it at the same time):

1) "I'm a female singer. I'm recent and not good."

2) "Oh man--I can't think of anything this guy was in... err... well, I'm an actor. A male actor with a... fat face. I've starred opposite many other... stars and stuff. I used to be really cool, but I'm not cool anymore."

3) "Shit. I can't think of anything for this one either. Eh... I'm black and I'm funny."





ANSWER KEY:

1) Celine Dion
2) John Travolta
3) Eddie Murphy






Yes! Yes I am aware that John Travolta is in a bagillion movies (including Grease and Saturday Night Fever) and that there are non-Eddie-Murphy-funny-black-men. But it was great! Especially for Celine Dion. I literally fell to the floor writhing in pain because my gut was literally busting when Dan guessed it so quickly.

Ah, but lots of cool things happened in the Cranium tournament. Danielle drew a black hole blind, Dan defined "gullwing" and Chasya convinced me at the very last second that neither strawberries nor raspberries were actually berries (which they aren't--good job Chasya; I knew about the strawberries, but wasn't sure on the raspberries). I also spelled "gamut" right, though I added an extra "n" to "renaissance."

Good times.

And I'll try to blog more consistently. But for now, I shall retire. Good night, muchachos! Hasta la byebye!