::Steps up to the podium and unrolls a long scroll::

I now hate Ben. Now Ben, I almost didn't hate you before, but now, to be quite honest, all of you Asians suck. You especially, however--mostly because of your humor. Everything thinks you're so ridiculously funny, Ben, but in reality, you're just a dope who can barely articulate his thoughts. Besides all of this, you have a dead tooth sticking right out at me; as though I didn't want to punch you in the face before, now I feel that I have to to put that tooth out of its misery. Chew a fart, kid.

::Clears throat::

And on that happy occassion, some poetry! And guess what the coolest part is... it goes to music that's playing in my head! W00t!

I'm just a poor musician
And I hardly earn my keep.
A fly against the wall
An extra-ordinary creep.

A menace to society, a bit of instability.
A fungal plague upon all I see.
A single insufferable
Piece of sickening sweet.
That's me.

Walk up to your flat one morning
Find you messing with some fellow.
I cannot comprehend,
But why not? You're all mellow

I do not mean to intrude upon ya,
In fact I bid thee well;
I just wanted to ask you simply
"What the fucking hell?"
What I mean to say quite simply
Is that you are not too friendly, nor
Are you someone soft and cuddly.
You're someone I abhor.

Don't you dare start cryin' darlin'
I hate to see a female cry.
Don't you start your ceaseless whining
Of it I'm sick--I do not lie.

I just don't see your logic, baby
You're the lady having your fun.
I have lost in this game of cheaters
Reasons to weep are numbering none.
I had flowers fresh cut for you this morning
Why are you so angry at me?
I don't see where this trail's going--
The fault, good madam, lies on you and he.

Catch you on the flipside, sugar
Or flour or salt--whatever you are
It's time to part our two dread paths now
I hope you catch hepatitis.