'Scuse me sir, would you like some ass? No? Ok. Hey! What about you? Care to try some freshly-picked ass? All right, but I'll hold you to that. You! Kind madam! Would you like to partake of this ass? All you have to do is stick your face into that crevice there, and--no, no. Keep your tongue in your mouth. It's meant to be a stimulation of your olfactory glands. All right, now breathe out, and once you're quite done, plunge your face into the opening and inhale as fast as possible. I swear, it's like cocaine but less illegal!
So, how was it? Madam? Ahem.. ma'am? Holy shit... she's overdosed! Someone call 911! Holy shit! She kept her face in between the cheeks for too long! Oh my God! Oh my fucking God! Someone take out their fucking phone and call NINE FUCKING ONE FUCKING ONE! Don't look at me like that, kid! There's a woman passed out on the street here. Shit. I'll need to give her ass-coated face mouth-to-mouth; her lips are blue.
Oh God, the aroma! Shit! I've gotta keep my head. Holy God! All right, try not to focus on the taste. Will somebody call the fucking ambulance! Oh God, it's so good. Oh fuck, I've gotta stop, I've got to get her breathing. Shit. Ok, one. Two. Three. Four. What the HELL am I doing? Is this even helping? Oh God, now her face is turning blue. Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit. I need a doctor! I need a fucking doctor right now! Someone please help! This woman inhaled too much ass!
---
In other news, Berkeley gave me the proverbial closed fist with the thumb protruding between the fore and middle fingers, wiggling suggestively. Oh well. I don't feel too let down, but it would have been nice to get acceptance. There is some good news, though. My mom took care to call the financial aid departments at Trinity and Emerson and found out that I'm getting financial aid award letters of some sort from both schools. Let's hope it's something substantive! ...'bout as much chance of that happening as ass becoming the new ware of street hawkers, but you never know; I'm sure that simit in Turkey had its day when it was new and uncertain. Make way for ass: the new simit. For those of you that don't know, simit is a sort sesame bagelly thing that is frequently sold on the streets of Turkey for about three cents. These days, there is also a new, mini-simit variety with about four times the fat, but four times the flavor.
So, how was it? Madam? Ahem.. ma'am? Holy shit... she's overdosed! Someone call 911! Holy shit! She kept her face in between the cheeks for too long! Oh my God! Oh my fucking God! Someone take out their fucking phone and call NINE FUCKING ONE FUCKING ONE! Don't look at me like that, kid! There's a woman passed out on the street here. Shit. I'll need to give her ass-coated face mouth-to-mouth; her lips are blue.
Oh God, the aroma! Shit! I've gotta keep my head. Holy God! All right, try not to focus on the taste. Will somebody call the fucking ambulance! Oh God, it's so good. Oh fuck, I've gotta stop, I've got to get her breathing. Shit. Ok, one. Two. Three. Four. What the HELL am I doing? Is this even helping? Oh God, now her face is turning blue. Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit. I need a doctor! I need a fucking doctor right now! Someone please help! This woman inhaled too much ass!
---
In other news, Berkeley gave me the proverbial closed fist with the thumb protruding between the fore and middle fingers, wiggling suggestively. Oh well. I don't feel too let down, but it would have been nice to get acceptance. There is some good news, though. My mom took care to call the financial aid departments at Trinity and Emerson and found out that I'm getting financial aid award letters of some sort from both schools. Let's hope it's something substantive! ...'bout as much chance of that happening as ass becoming the new ware of street hawkers, but you never know; I'm sure that simit in Turkey had its day when it was new and uncertain. Make way for ass: the new simit. For those of you that don't know, simit is a sort sesame bagelly thing that is frequently sold on the streets of Turkey for about three cents. These days, there is also a new, mini-simit variety with about four times the fat, but four times the flavor.
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