Ok, I'd been loath to post as much before, but here it goes. On the 25th, before an Academic Challenge practice that never really happened, I went to check my application status at the University of Texas, only to find--much to my extreme disillusionment--that I had been declined. I didn't understand; I was a student with excellent SAT/ACT scores, a GPA almost in the top 10% in my class (top 10% grants automatic admission to the University, for you non-Texans), and my essay could not have been -that- bad. I struggled to find an explanation for this: maybe they had only declined my application to the School of Communications, or maybe they didn't accept me at all because my essays arrived late or something... or maybe I didn't make the cut. The message on the website was cryptic enough to leave every bloody possibility that the universe could throw at me open. I could tell you that I definitely lost a lot of self-confidence, though. If UT wouldn't take me for whatever reason, what chance is there that someone else would? I mean, honestly, UT is a very good school, but they're not as selective as the others I applied to. What would I do? Would I even be able to get into the Honors Program at Texas Tech, my backup just in case nothing panned out, if I tried?
I choked back tears that night in bed as these thoughts finally came to bear upon me and I had nothing to do to distract me from them. What would happen to me? Would I turn into some fearsome failure? Would I be forced to pursue the career of a freelance writer, left to develop only through my own teaching? Would I turn into my cousin who milled around for years before he finally started attending community college? I was surprised that I was able to choke those tears back. I whipped my mind out of the gutter then, forcing myself to turn the thoughts away; they would do me no good. Everything will come together in a few days, I told myself.
Over the next few days, I kept myself under strict control and managed to evade most of the distress caused by UT's rejection. Distraction, distraction, distraction. To the point where I didn't do anything with my research paper except blog about its fast-approaching due date. I received a bit of a confidence booster from Trinity College during this time. The school has four special programs which it allows qualified students to apply for alongside admission to the college. I already received invitations to apply to two of them, when I got another from the Interarts Program, which allows artists of all sorts to constructively pursue their art for their first two years at Trinity through special courses and such. It served as a sort of reminder that Trinity College at least thought I was sort of cool.
Today I missed school with a lovely little headache and was given leave to sleep through the day (which I did gleefully). I didn't think much about college after I woke up, instead reading up on news and watching some ESPN. Then my dad came home a little over an hour ago with the simple word "Posta!" (Mail!). I went downstairs with a timid sort fo eagerness. I could not let myself be too excited, but this might be something good. Oh please let it be something good.
The first thing my dad hands me is this thin envelope as he says questioningly, "El Paso?" "Yani, this is for you, be." And I shove back the envelope clearly reading "Mr. Ali Ozkan." He grins and sorts through the mail, eventually setting aside five envelopes.
I forced myself not to look at any of them, and begin by opening the smallest one. What do you know? It was from the University of Texas. The contents of the emaciated envelope provided good news, though: they had rejected me, sure, but they rejected me because the application came in late. Waves of relief rippled through my body as my eyes scanned those words. I explained to my dad that this was actually a good sign, and quickly put UT's letter down, grabbing up the next one. An envelope of some thickness sent to me by Colgate University that bore news telling me that I had been tossed on to their waiting list. Believe it or not, this illicited a pleasant sigh from me--I was expecting outright rejection from an envelope whose contents were only three pieces of paper. Unfortuantely, being put on that waiting list has the same practical implications as rejection not only because Colgate rarely accepts students from their waiting list, but also because I would have to wait past the matriculation deadline of all the other schools I liked before I could find out if I'd be accepted at all. So then I picked out the final remaining normal-sized envelope, already discarding the notion of going to Colgate from my mind. This one that I'd just picked up arrived from Hartford, Connecticut and Trinity College, packed quite thick, and bursting with the good news that I had been accepted! Finally! A college wants me! I read the letter carefully to see if there was any hint of financial aid, but they said that that would be coming separately. My dad was quite glad, too, and he chimed in his words of support. That left me with two big envelopes! O joy! The first one I turned over was from... Trinity again? Before thoughts of financial aid could start running through my head, my dad delightfully pointed out the words "Interdisciplinary Sciences Program" on the return address (my father is an engineer, and would like nothing better than for me to decide I loved science and follow in his footsteps). The fourth special program at Trinity, the one I expected to never qualify for, sent me an invitation to apply to them. Well that's a letdown; before I'd turned it over, I was hoping that it was an acceptance letter from another college. Oh well. One more left and... ::Drumroll:: Emerson! Emerson sent me a large envelope! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! My first choice college! A large envelope! Wait! ...It could just be a cruel trick. Ah, but it wasn't! After I opened the envelope and got past all of the colorful things inside, I found a piece of paper that told me I had been accepted! O rapture! Of course, it all died down a bit after a couple of seconds, and with the realization that I would not be going there at all if I got no aid. Like Trinity, they told me that they would send me aid information later.
But I feel much better now. I'm not a complete and total fuckass, as I had feared when UT gave me the one-finger salute. I still await aid decisions from Trinity and Emerson, along with decisions about actual admission from Berkeley, New York University, and George Washington University. That's all there is for now. Remember that for updates on these and other top stories, stay tuned in to Hasta la Byebye!
I choked back tears that night in bed as these thoughts finally came to bear upon me and I had nothing to do to distract me from them. What would happen to me? Would I turn into some fearsome failure? Would I be forced to pursue the career of a freelance writer, left to develop only through my own teaching? Would I turn into my cousin who milled around for years before he finally started attending community college? I was surprised that I was able to choke those tears back. I whipped my mind out of the gutter then, forcing myself to turn the thoughts away; they would do me no good. Everything will come together in a few days, I told myself.
Over the next few days, I kept myself under strict control and managed to evade most of the distress caused by UT's rejection. Distraction, distraction, distraction. To the point where I didn't do anything with my research paper except blog about its fast-approaching due date. I received a bit of a confidence booster from Trinity College during this time. The school has four special programs which it allows qualified students to apply for alongside admission to the college. I already received invitations to apply to two of them, when I got another from the Interarts Program, which allows artists of all sorts to constructively pursue their art for their first two years at Trinity through special courses and such. It served as a sort of reminder that Trinity College at least thought I was sort of cool.
Today I missed school with a lovely little headache and was given leave to sleep through the day (which I did gleefully). I didn't think much about college after I woke up, instead reading up on news and watching some ESPN. Then my dad came home a little over an hour ago with the simple word "Posta!" (Mail!). I went downstairs with a timid sort fo eagerness. I could not let myself be too excited, but this might be something good. Oh please let it be something good.
The first thing my dad hands me is this thin envelope as he says questioningly, "El Paso?" "Yani, this is for you, be." And I shove back the envelope clearly reading "Mr. Ali Ozkan." He grins and sorts through the mail, eventually setting aside five envelopes.
I forced myself not to look at any of them, and begin by opening the smallest one. What do you know? It was from the University of Texas. The contents of the emaciated envelope provided good news, though: they had rejected me, sure, but they rejected me because the application came in late. Waves of relief rippled through my body as my eyes scanned those words. I explained to my dad that this was actually a good sign, and quickly put UT's letter down, grabbing up the next one. An envelope of some thickness sent to me by Colgate University that bore news telling me that I had been tossed on to their waiting list. Believe it or not, this illicited a pleasant sigh from me--I was expecting outright rejection from an envelope whose contents were only three pieces of paper. Unfortuantely, being put on that waiting list has the same practical implications as rejection not only because Colgate rarely accepts students from their waiting list, but also because I would have to wait past the matriculation deadline of all the other schools I liked before I could find out if I'd be accepted at all. So then I picked out the final remaining normal-sized envelope, already discarding the notion of going to Colgate from my mind. This one that I'd just picked up arrived from Hartford, Connecticut and Trinity College, packed quite thick, and bursting with the good news that I had been accepted! Finally! A college wants me! I read the letter carefully to see if there was any hint of financial aid, but they said that that would be coming separately. My dad was quite glad, too, and he chimed in his words of support. That left me with two big envelopes! O joy! The first one I turned over was from... Trinity again? Before thoughts of financial aid could start running through my head, my dad delightfully pointed out the words "Interdisciplinary Sciences Program" on the return address (my father is an engineer, and would like nothing better than for me to decide I loved science and follow in his footsteps). The fourth special program at Trinity, the one I expected to never qualify for, sent me an invitation to apply to them. Well that's a letdown; before I'd turned it over, I was hoping that it was an acceptance letter from another college. Oh well. One more left and... ::Drumroll:: Emerson! Emerson sent me a large envelope! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! My first choice college! A large envelope! Wait! ...It could just be a cruel trick. Ah, but it wasn't! After I opened the envelope and got past all of the colorful things inside, I found a piece of paper that told me I had been accepted! O rapture! Of course, it all died down a bit after a couple of seconds, and with the realization that I would not be going there at all if I got no aid. Like Trinity, they told me that they would send me aid information later.
But I feel much better now. I'm not a complete and total fuckass, as I had feared when UT gave me the one-finger salute. I still await aid decisions from Trinity and Emerson, along with decisions about actual admission from Berkeley, New York University, and George Washington University. That's all there is for now. Remember that for updates on these and other top stories, stay tuned in to Hasta la Byebye!
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