Today I woke up at 10:52 AM. There are a German boy next to my bed. He was about eight or nine--I couldn't be sure, but either way he was morbidly obese. I groaned and turned my head slightly to eye the strange child, who at that moment put both of his fat hands on my shoulder and shook me with excitement, "Wake up! It's time to get chocolates!" The high-pitched voice that he said it in would have been comical were it not for the fact that he had just interrupted a dream of mine that was an absolute abstraction without any substance, but one that felt very good. I half-shoved ol' porky aside and buried my face into my blue pillowcase, hoping that the dream was still salvagable. The Kraut wasn't done with me though, and he repeated his previous action, undeterred. "Wake up, Mr. Cantay! We must go get the chocolates!"
It was then that I realized, despite being in a state that would loosely be categorized as half-sleep, that I was not going to be able to get rid of this fellow so easily. With a grunt, I pushed myself up a bit and rubbed my eyes. The little boy seemed somewhat satisfied and took a step back. I stopped when I was about halfway up, however, the edge of the covers now situated on the middle of my back.
As is liable to happen at the most inopportune of moments, I had woken up with an erection and was not wearing pants. I didn't want to scar the kid who was waiting anxiously for me to get up, so I turned my head to him and managed to say something that caused him to turn his head away. With surprising quickness and grace--especially considering that I had woken up not thirty seconds ago--, I made my way over to the corner of my room where I kept my dirty clothes and turned to the spot where the two walls met. I grabbed up a pair of jeans that I'd been wearing for the past five days and pulled them swiftly on, not bothering to do the traditional sniff test to see if it would be a heinous act to go out in public with them.
I turned back to the German boy as I pulled my zipper up and scratched at the top of my scalp, likely completing the picture of a teenage hobo with assistance from my unruly hair. "I need to brush my teeth and stuff cause my mouth's all..." here I made a hand gesture that was supposed to indicate unpleasantness. I didn't want to seem a total slob.
"Go ahead," said the Kraut with the appropriate accent and the same feminine voice, "I will wait outside."
My lower lip jutted out slightly in a show of what might be approval or just what I considered a desirable reaction; the emotion protrayed by that has never been entirely clear to me. I walked across the room towards the door and picked up deodorant from on top of my excuse for an armoire and proceeded to give my armpits a small burst of power-stripe freshness before stumbling over to the bathroom. I picked up my electric toothbrush and stared at it for a second. The replaceable head was frayed from a year's use after a month and a half with my braces. Pursing my lips just a bit with thought, I ran the furry head under the tap and methodically set it down on the edge, fumbled for my toothpaste (Colgate with Tartar Control), squeezed out a decent length of blue-green goo, and stuck the thing in my mouth. I brushed like crazy, trying to shorten the little child's waiting time and making an effort to get the old blood flowing with more vigor to all places but one at the same time. I slowed down for a minute though, as a thought crossed my mind: hadn't Airon blogged the previous night about going to get discounted Valentine's candy on President's Day? By Jove! He had! I suddenly knew who sent the German boy, and I grinned to myself once the teeth were thoroughly cleaned. I made a pit stop to my room to pick up my glasses, wallet, watch, and class ring. I stormed downstairs as I will do sometimes, each thunderous step jarring the house just a bit more than the last. I slipped into my Vans and shouted a goodbye to the invisible members of the house before practically skipping outside.
I was quite shocked, though, when I didn't see the German boy with my Filipino friend as I had expected. ...
(Continued in my newest untitled short story, due out by March 13, 2004)
It was then that I realized, despite being in a state that would loosely be categorized as half-sleep, that I was not going to be able to get rid of this fellow so easily. With a grunt, I pushed myself up a bit and rubbed my eyes. The little boy seemed somewhat satisfied and took a step back. I stopped when I was about halfway up, however, the edge of the covers now situated on the middle of my back.
As is liable to happen at the most inopportune of moments, I had woken up with an erection and was not wearing pants. I didn't want to scar the kid who was waiting anxiously for me to get up, so I turned my head to him and managed to say something that caused him to turn his head away. With surprising quickness and grace--especially considering that I had woken up not thirty seconds ago--, I made my way over to the corner of my room where I kept my dirty clothes and turned to the spot where the two walls met. I grabbed up a pair of jeans that I'd been wearing for the past five days and pulled them swiftly on, not bothering to do the traditional sniff test to see if it would be a heinous act to go out in public with them.
I turned back to the German boy as I pulled my zipper up and scratched at the top of my scalp, likely completing the picture of a teenage hobo with assistance from my unruly hair. "I need to brush my teeth and stuff cause my mouth's all..." here I made a hand gesture that was supposed to indicate unpleasantness. I didn't want to seem a total slob.
"Go ahead," said the Kraut with the appropriate accent and the same feminine voice, "I will wait outside."
My lower lip jutted out slightly in a show of what might be approval or just what I considered a desirable reaction; the emotion protrayed by that has never been entirely clear to me. I walked across the room towards the door and picked up deodorant from on top of my excuse for an armoire and proceeded to give my armpits a small burst of power-stripe freshness before stumbling over to the bathroom. I picked up my electric toothbrush and stared at it for a second. The replaceable head was frayed from a year's use after a month and a half with my braces. Pursing my lips just a bit with thought, I ran the furry head under the tap and methodically set it down on the edge, fumbled for my toothpaste (Colgate with Tartar Control), squeezed out a decent length of blue-green goo, and stuck the thing in my mouth. I brushed like crazy, trying to shorten the little child's waiting time and making an effort to get the old blood flowing with more vigor to all places but one at the same time. I slowed down for a minute though, as a thought crossed my mind: hadn't Airon blogged the previous night about going to get discounted Valentine's candy on President's Day? By Jove! He had! I suddenly knew who sent the German boy, and I grinned to myself once the teeth were thoroughly cleaned. I made a pit stop to my room to pick up my glasses, wallet, watch, and class ring. I stormed downstairs as I will do sometimes, each thunderous step jarring the house just a bit more than the last. I slipped into my Vans and shouted a goodbye to the invisible members of the house before practically skipping outside.
I was quite shocked, though, when I didn't see the German boy with my Filipino friend as I had expected. ...
(Continued in my newest untitled short story, due out by March 13, 2004)
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